Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Jamba Jules
This is what I'm talking about. 
I'm depressed. 
It's hard to tell, because I feel good about it,
Thank you pharmaceuticals. 
But sure enough, when I look at my actions, 
They say, "Hulk Sad"

I figure I've been here enough, might as well make up a "How to Continue being Depressed when You're Depressed" List,
You know, to keep shit in check and whatnot.

1. Eat the majority of your food past the hour of 3PM. 
This means, skipping breakfast, tea, water, everything until after noon. After it gets dark.
Eat lots for midnight snack. Make sure the food you eat is crap. 

2. Don't even try to limit smoking. Just suck 'em back.
Chain smoke. Same goes for other vices. Alcohol, weed, etc. 

3. Stop writing, entirely. No writing. Probably no reading either for that matter.
Movies are okay. But only because they require less brain function than taking a shit. 

4. Frown a lot. At everyone. 

5. If frowning at everyone doesn't appeal to you, isolate yourself so you don't have to talk to, look at, interact with, anyone. 
I like, tree houses, holing up in my car late at night, driving down to the farm and kicking it in the RV.
The spaces that are the most cocoon like are usually the most effective for this technique. 

6. Do not, and I mean, DO NOT WHATEVER YOU DO, take your dog for walks down to the lake to play twice daily. That's just a recipe for happy right there. Totally counterintuitive to continuing being depressed. 

7. Interpret any and all messages coming at you from friends/family/people that care/etc as potential attacks on your character, life choices, you in general, and respond as such. Nothing like taking your own self loathing out on people you care about just because they care more about you than you care about yourself at the moment. 

8. Sleep all day. When ever you feel like it. Get sleepy? Take a nap. Get sad? Take a nap. Eat something? Take a nap. Have goals or plans you wanted to act on at some point in time today? Take a nap. It's quite effective. Nothing gets done, you feel unproductive, sweet sweet depression. 

9. Become addicted to Facebook. This really requires no further comment, huh. 

10. Ignore everything you want to do. And pay attention to everything you don't want to do. 
Soon your heart will sleep until you're ready to listen to it again. While the heart sleeps, usually one finds oneself in a state of sadness, inexplicable. Zombie state, unable to make decisions, unable to conjure excitement for any potential idea, lack of desire to do...anything, that might just might require energy. BINGO. That's what we're looking for. 

There it is.
Yes, with these 10 easy steps, you too can be depressed. 

Next list: "How to correctly peel and cut a banana"
Can't wait.


Log in

No account? Create an account